D.E.M.O. with MO
D.E.M.O. with MO
What You Don't Know You Need Will Transform Your Relationships
Sometimes the most profound transformations come from receiving exactly what we didn't know we needed. Through the lens of a church revival experience, this episode explores how we often mistakenly believe we're spiritually sufficient while unknowingly craving deeper renewal—a parallel that perfectly illustrates our relationship dynamics.
When we build intimacy daily with both God and our partners—checking in, expressing love, investing consistently—we create foundations that withstand challenges. But even in healthy relationships, needs can go unrecognized until they're unexpectedly fulfilled. The key is learning to identify and articulate these needs clearly.
Rather than making vague requests like "more time together," specific desires such as "Friday date nights" give partners actionable ways to meet your needs. This specificity comes from self-reflection and understanding what concepts like "effort" and "intimacy" truly mean to you personally. Through journaling and honest assessment, you can uncover hidden desires that, once expressed, transform your connection.
The most powerful insight might be this: knowing yourself is the foundation of all healthy relationships. We cannot expect others to understand needs we haven't yet recognized ourselves. As you practice self-care and build self-awareness, you develop the ability to communicate effectively, set appropriate boundaries, and actively seek the connection you desire. Your relationships begin to reflect this inner clarity, creating space for both you and your partner to receive exactly what you didn't know you needed.
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what's up, guys? Welcome to demo with mo. I'm your host, monique simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of demo with mo. I am your host, monique simmons, and today we are going to be discussing receiving what you didn't know you needed on.
Speaker 1:Last week, my church had its spring revival and scratch that. My pastor told us it was not going to be called a spring revival, it was just our revival, because he wanted it to be something that we could hold on to throughout the year and not just for spring. As I holding up quotation air quotation marks with my hands right now, I also wanted to ask you guys, as you hear me talk about the revival, I don't hear revivals being talked about as often or as frequently as they used to be, and I'm wondering is it a thing that a lot of churches still have? I'm just curious, and the reason I'm saying this is because I don't want to go in making the assumption that all my listeners know what I'm talking about or even know what I'm referring to when I say a revival or spring revival, do you even know what that means. So when a church has a revival and the reason it's referred to this time of year of a spring revival because they usually have it around different times of the year. They have a spring revival or a fall revival, they have them at different parts of the year and how it usually looks is you have a preacher or a pastor and their church comes in different nights during that week, because some churches will have a three-night revival or a five-night revival and a different church will come in each night because they usually don't have the same church coming in every night. But you know, church can do it the way they want to, but usually a different church will come in each night to represent and they will. That church will sing, that visiting church will sing and then their pastor of that church will bring a word and that word is specific to a revival. It's not just any word you don't just preach about anything but it's specific to encouraging that church that they're coming to, because the revival is for that church, the church that is hosting Everyone can be encouraged, everyone can hear a word from God, but that revival is specific to that host church, the church that everyone is coming to, because that revival is personally for you. If no one else gets it you, if no one else gets it, you guys should be getting it because it's for your church.
Speaker 1:You've had a lot going on. Life has been heavy, life has been overwhelmed. You have maybe been discouraged by everything that's going on in this world, whether it's your life personally or the things that's going on around you that has affected you. But you need to be encouraged. You need to be reminded that God loves you, that God cares for you, that he hears your prayers, that he's there, he sees you, he's coming to see about you. You just need that revival. You need to be reminded. You need to come out of these things. That's the purpose. You need to come out of these things. That's the purpose. So that's what a revival is.
Speaker 1:That's the point of a revival is to get you back rejuvenated. It's to get you back excited. It's to get you back encouraged. It's to get you back out of that discouraged that your head hung down. It's to get you out of that mode and get you back to your first love, get you back to that place where you excited about your faith and excited about your walk and excited about the things of God. That is the point of a revival. So the point of me saying all that of that is to give you context, because something I've done in the past is made an assumption that people understand, especially when it comes to the things of God. Made an assumption that even when you're talking to Christians, talking to other believers, you cannot assume that people know we're all growing. Sometimes we're ignorant even to the things of God, specifically to the things of God. Sometimes we are ignorant, meaning we just don't know, we don't have the information, we don't have the knowledge, we don't have the understanding and we need somebody to tell us. So that was the point of me explaining what goes on at a revival.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my church just had a revival. If you're listening to this live, we had a revival last week and going into the revival, even as my pastor talked about us getting ready to have the revival in March, even before we set a date, he had been preparing us that we were going to be having a revival and I was excited about it, don't get me wrong. I was really excited about it, like, oh yeah, we're going to have this revival because it had been a while. But if I'm being honest, even as we were preparing for the revival, I personally did not feel me, monique, I didn't feel as if I needed a revival. And hear me when I'm saying this needed a revival. And hear me when I'm saying this. I'm not saying I didn't feel I needed a revival, as in I thought of myself to be more than I am, as if my life was all together or I had it all together. Please don't hear that when I'm saying it, because I don't and I will never. Please don't hear that when I'm saying it, because I don't and I will never. No-transcript. I just didn't feel like I was in a place in my Christian walk where I needed to get excited. I didn't feel like I was in a place where I was discouraged, where I needed to be encouraged per se. That's what I mean when I say I didn't feel personally that I needed a revival. I was excited about the revival. I was excited about it for my church as a whole. I felt like we needed a revival. I was excited to hear a word from God. I was excited about that, but I didn't feel like I personally needed a revival.
Speaker 1:Now, fast forward, the revival gets here. We had a five night revival. Okay. So Sunday gets here. It started off on a Sunday after church. Yes, you heard me right. Sunday after church. Okay, sunday comes, open it up. Open it up with a bang. I'm like, oh, oh, wow, okay, oh God, oh you showing up. Oh Lord, that's how I felt. Y'all these were the emotions that was coming through me, because I was already expecting to hear from God. Because that's how I come into worship, that's just where I am in my walk. When I come into God's house, I am coming, expecting to meet him. That's just my mindset, because I don't wait until I get to God's house. I don't wait till I get to worship service. I don't wait till I'm going to meet him there. Like this is my, this is my normal, this is my lifestyle. I'm reading his word, I'm praying, this is what I'm doing every day, like this is my lifestyle. So I'm already having this conversation. It's just like in your marriage Because, again, this is a marriage podcast, this is a relationship podcast, so it's always going to tie in y'all. It's always going to tie in.
Speaker 1:If you are already building that intimacy in your relationship with your partner, with your spouse, every day, you checking in, y'all talking, y'all having that closeness Every day. You texting baby I love you, can't wait to see you. You having them date nights, you investing, you having that physical intimacy, you building it, you building it Every day, every day. You investing, you're going to have no problems being close to one another, loving one another. When hard times come up, it won't be so easy to walk away, to mistrust one another. You won't lack that intimacy, that closeness. It'll be easy to hold on tight, even in the hard times, because you've been building it day by day by day, brick, brick by brick by brick.
Speaker 1:But when you ain't doing it as a lifestyle, when you're not making those phone calls, when you're not sending those text messages, when you're not checking in day to day, when you're not having those date nights, when you're not building it, those little moments of intimacy, when you're not building it brick by brick, but you're only waiting when you want to have sex, when things are bad, when, when those negative thoughts pop up in your head and you're wondering if your partner talking to somebody else, or you feeling insecure or they you feel like they're not showing you any attention, when you're only waiting on those moments, yeah, you're not going to trust them. Yeah, there's not going to be any intimacy, and that's how our relationship with God is. It's the same way. But when that's a lifestyle for you, when that's your daily walk, when you get to his house, when you get to the place of worship, it's just icing on the cake because that's what you've been doing every day, that's just your normal.
Speaker 1:So when Sunday came, I was already expecting because we had already been preparing it that revival was coming. I already knew this. So I was already expecting to hear from him. But, like I told you guys, I didn't feel like I personally needed a revival, but I still was expecting a word from him. But, like I told you guys, I didn't feel like I personally needed a revival, but I still was expecting a word from God. So on that Sunday I was like it blew my mind, because I'm the same person that thought I didn't need a revival. Here God is showing me otherwise because, again, I've already been walking with him every day. Every day. We already have that personal, close intimacy. And now he's showing me daughter, yes, you do need this and I'm going to give it to you.
Speaker 1:So all that week it just got better and better and better and better, and I'm talking about I'm talking about it just got even better and I thought it couldn't get better. On Tuesday I'm like, oh, this thing can't get no more better than this. And it did, and it did. And that's why today's episode is receiving what you didn't know you needed, because I told y'all, starting off this episode, I didn know, I thought in my foolishness, in my finite mind, and that's why the Bible tells us lean not to your own understanding, because my own understanding, I thought I was so smart, I thought I didn't need a revival, but the Lord showed me otherwise.
Speaker 1:Because I've been dealing with a lot of things in my life. But don't get me wrong, I've had faith, I've been trusting God, I've been obedient to his word, I've been praying, I've been doing what I'm supposed to do according to his word. But that's why I needed a revival. Because even when you're walking with God, walking upright and don't get me wrong I've fallen short, I've sinned, I've messed up, I've not done it all right. But even when you're walking right, you still get tired, you still get discouraged. Life is still hard, the enemy still attacks you. You still cry. Lord knows, some nights I still cry myself to sleep. Like Lord, I'm doing your will and I'm still having a hard time. So, yes, I did need a revival and I received exactly that. Need a revival and I received exactly that.
Speaker 1:So, receiving what you didn't know you needed, oh man, it's good news. It's good news because sometimes you think you know best and you don't, but there's a guy who will give you exactly what you didn't know you needed and I'm grateful for that. So what does that have to do with our relationship or marriage? You say, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Discovering unmet needs in a relationship and receiving them can be a profound experience leading to increased satisfaction and a stronger bond. Open communication, self-reflection and actively seeking what you desire are key to finding those unexpected but vital aspects of a relationship. So let's get into some ways of how we can navigate this. Number one self-reflection and identifying needs. So remember when I talked to you guys about, I thought, no, I need to stop thinking. Well, I really don't need to stop thinking, but you know what I mean. I need to stop leaning to my own understanding. Self-reflection and identifying needs. That's number one. What do you truly want?
Speaker 1:Take time to consider what aspects of a relationship are most important to you, both consciously and subconsciously, be specific. Instead of vague desires, try to pinpoint concrete actions or behaviors that would meet your needs. For example now this is a good one, I really like this one Instead of more time together, try one night out a week, or a date night on Friday nights. That's very specific and I think it will help out your partner a lot. I thought this was a really great one because, if we're being honest, it's more easy to say I would like us to spend more time together. But it does help when you or your partner can be specific with what that means. Because what does that mean? You need more time together Because somebody in a relationship could think y'all are spending enough time together. So if you could be specific about what you mean with more time together, that would help. Journaling or reflection can help you uncover hidden needs and desires. If you take time to like, write down like what it is because, again, this is the self-reflection piece, this is number one If you take time to really like self-reflect and write your thoughts down and your needs and desires down, that will help you communicating that with your partner or your spouse.
Speaker 1:Consider what effort means to you. What kind of effort do you need from your partner, because what I consider effort, what that means to me, may not be what my partner considers to be effort or what you consider to be effort. So what does that mean to you? What does intimacy mean to you? And I really thought this was a good one, because this is something my husband and I have talked about with our therapists over the years in couples therapy, because I used to always say I wanted more intimacy or I desire intimacy, but my husband always asks, like, what does intimacy mean to you? And I really had to take some time out to describe it like really for my own self. Well, what does intimacy mean to me? Because sometimes we communicate things and we say words, but what does that really mean? Because we can use these words, but what does that really mean? Because we can use these words, but do we have an understanding or do we know how to communicate it? What does that mean to us?
Speaker 1:Number two communication and open dialogue. Express your needs clearly and respectfully. Express your needs clearly and respectfully. Communicate your needs to your partner at the time you're feeling them, without anger or blaming and I know this is easier said than done, but we can do this, especially at the time you're feeling them. I know that may be a little hard to do it without the anger or the blaming. Use I statements. Frame your requests in terms of your feelings and needs, rather than accusing your partner. Listen to your partner's perspective, understand their needs and desires as well, as a healthy relationship is a two-way street Key word there healthy, and you do want a healthy relationship. Be open to compromise. Finding common ground and meeting each other's needs is crucial for a successful relationship. Each other's needs is crucial for a successful relationship. Number three actively seek what you need. I thought this one was really good, because sometimes we know we have needs, we understand we have needs, but we don't actively seek them out. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Oh, rejection is liberating, and it's better to know what you want and ask for than to live with unmet needs. Oh, man, be proactive in creating opportunities for connection and intimacy.
Speaker 1:Proactive that is one of my favorite. It's one of my favorite words and one of my favorite things to do in all areas of my life as a mom, as a friend, as an employee, on my job, in my marriage. It's just. I am a in ministry, I'm just a pro. I love to be proactive because I don't like to be. I don't like to be overwhelmed, I don't like to be unprepared. I am a proactive person. A proactive person as much as I can get done beforehand and be prepared. Be proactive, plan dates, schedule quality time and initiate activities that you both enjoy. Being proactive y'all is so beneficial. It is better to be proactive than have to be reactive. On the other end, if you know these things are going to be beneficial to your relationship or marriage, why not plan in advance? They have to deal with the fallout, of how it would affect the relationship in the end.
Speaker 1:Don't be afraid to try new things. Experiment with different ways of connecting and expressing your needs. Now, this one I thought was really good, and I actually want to try and work on this one myself. This is just that's my own personal thing. So I encourage you guys to do this one as well, because if maybe the way you've been doing things, or the way you've done things in the past, if that hasn't always worked, or Be open to trying new things, that's all I'm saying. Be open to trying new things. Be open to trying new things. Remember that relationships are dynamic. Your needs and desires may change over time, so be open to evolving and adapting.
Speaker 1:Number four, last but not least, the importance of knowing yourself. Knowing what you want in a relationship is crucial. This helps you choose a partner who can meet your needs and build a fulfilling relationship. I think this one is so important because I think a lot of times we have issues in relationships because we don't know ourselves. We want our partners and our spouses to understand us, to meet needs and desires that we don't even understand, that we don't even know, that we can't even communicate because we don't even know ourselves, because we don't even know ourselves. And this is why I preach and talk about and push self-care so much, because it wasn't until I began to practice self-care, take care of myself, prioritize myself, love myself all of those things that I got to know, monique, and that I could begin to communicate, express all of the things that I needed, that I wanted, that I desired to everybody and not just my husband, because that was all relationships, all areas of my life, and before then I didn't know how, I didn't know how to do those things, so I couldn't tell other people those things. So once we begin to know ourselves and I promise I feel like I'm saying it so much in the episodes lately because a lot of the things that happens in relationships and marriages it comes back on us.
Speaker 1:It falls back on the individual Because the more we know us, love us, have standards for us, know what we're worth all of that we wouldn't accept anything less from other people. Don't enter a relationship to figure out what you want. This can lead to wasted time and unnecessary pain. Focus on self-love and self-worth. A strong sense of self is essential for healthy relationships. I agree 100%. I agree 100%.
Speaker 1:So, receiving what you didn't know you needed it's a great thing to receive what you didn't know you needed, but also on the flip side of that coin from what we just discussed, also, on the flip side of that coin from what we just discussed, it's also great to know what you need. So self-reflection and identifying needs, communication and open dialogue. Actively seek what you need and the importance of knowing yourself so you can know what you need, and the importance of knowing yourself so you can know what you need in your life and those needs and desires can begin to be met. You don't have to wait on someone else. It's a beautiful thing to have someone in your life your partner, your spouse. It's an absolutely beautiful thing to have someone in your life who loves you, who cares about you, who's concerned about you, who you have open communication and dialogue with and compromise with, and to be able to help you meet those needs and desires. It's the absolutely beautiful thing, but also what you should have learned from this as well is you can have self-love and self-worth Also. Begin to do those things for yourself and set the standard for yourself as well.
Speaker 1:I hope today's episode has helped you, has encouraged you in some way and, if it has, share today's episode with someone who you think would enjoy it. Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more and I'll see you guys next week. Bye, I hope you guys have enjoyed. Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at Demo with Mo at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.