Should You Say “I Do” Early?

What if the timing of your “yes” shapes not just your wedding day, but the way you grow up? We get honest about the question so many couples wrestle with: should you get married young?

We unpack the real pros: growing together from a blank slate, sharing first jobs, graduations, and babies, and building habits early that can compound into financial stability and stronger partnership. We also name the hard parts without flinching: emotional maturity gaps, higher divorce risk, money strain from unstable careers and student loans, and what happens when one person heals or advances faster than the other. Through a faith-first lens, we talk about how prayer, community, and doing things God’s way can change outcomes—not by removing storms, but by giving you anchors when they hit.

You’ll hear practical, hard-won tools: how to set simple money meetings, create guardrails for conflict, pursue counseling before crisis, and keep intimacy alive when stress steals your margin. We explore education tradeoffs, blended family realities, and why there’s no one-size-fits-all advice—only wiser preparation and honest self-assessment. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or already married young, you’ll find encouragement to keep going, stay humble, and build a team mindset that lasts.

If this conversation helped you or someone you love, share it with a couple who’s weighing the leap. Subscribe for new episodes twice a month, leave a review to help others find the show, and tell us: which pro or con matters most in your season?

Chapters

• 0:24 Welcome & Why This Topic
• 2:03 Remembering High School Sweethearts
• 3:24 Do People Still Marry Young?
• 4:48 Framing Pros And Cons
• 7:00 Pro: Growing Up Together
• 9:00 Pro: Shared Milestones
• 11:16 Pro: Less Baggage, Cleaner Slate
• 12:48 Pro: Molding Each Other
• 16:15 Pro: Early Financial Planning
• 17:59 Con: Maturity And Experience Gaps
• 21:49 Con: Higher Divorce Risk vs Faith
• 24:28 Con: Financial Strain In Real Life
• 28:03 Con: Growing At Different Speeds
• 32:18 Con: Incomplete Education Tradeoffs
• 33:15 No One-Size-Fits-All Advice
• 34:06 Encouragement For Young Marriages
• 36:16 Community, Faith, And Not Giving Up

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:24

Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo. I am your host, Monique Simmons. And today we are going to be discussing should you get married, young? I am currently reminiscing on when my husband and I started dating. My husband and I started dating our senior year in high school. So right now, we're looking at about 20 years we have been in a relationship with one another since we started the dating process all the way up to now 15 years married. And it got me to thinking because this October, right now, if you're listening, again, if you're listening to this live, this is around the time that we started being official, being serious about it, because my husband and I we became friends around our sophomore year in high school, but we didn't actually begin dating until our senior year in high school. Well, this past weekend, my son and his girlfriend spent some time at our house, and we took them out, and it just got me to thinking about my husband and I's dating history and being in a relationship and getting married at a young age and starting our family and bringing us up to where we are now. It just got me to thinking about all of those things and reminiscing about the past and remembering where we came from and all of the things that we've walked through in our journey and all of the things that have gotten us to the place that we are currently now. The fact that we even have a child that's old enough to date and to be at the place where we once were, where it all started, where it all began for us. And it got me to thinking that this would be a great conversation because I know I personally know a lot of couples who got married young, most who are still married to this day, some who are no longer married, and I know there are a lot of couples even now, still today, who get married young, not as many as in the past, but there are still some. And it just got me to thinking do couples still want to get married young? Is that still a thing that people want to do? What are the pros of getting married young? What are the cons of getting married young? Is it something that you personally desire? Is it something that you're against? How do you feel about it? What are your thoughts about it? Have you ever considered it? Is it something that you want for your child or your children? And that's something that I've often even thought of for myself. Is this something that I want for my kids? But I'm also one of those people who I want my kids to walk out their own lives. I want them to see what I've modeled for them, but I also want them to have their own experience, to trust God and have that personal relationship with Him for themselves and see what it is that that journey that God would have for their own lives, and not to do what I did, but to what is it that you desire for your own life? What are the plans that God has for you? That's something I've tried to model for my kids. Do that. So I'm just I thought it would be a great conversation to talk about on today's episode. So we're going to be discussing the pros and the cons of getting married young. Because even though I got married young, I'm not a one way or the other. But I think this is more of a person to person, couple to couple, because I don't think every answer fits every person's circumstance. Getting married young has pros like growing together, sharing milestones, and cons, such as a higher risk of divorce, potential financial strain, and personal development challenges. While there's an opportunity to build a life together, but from the start, a lack of maturity and experience can make the decision more difficult. And priorities can change significantly as you both grow older. So again, there are a lot of pros and there also are a lot of cons. So again, I think it really varies person to person, couple to couple. Every circumstance will not be the same. Every couple will not be the same. We all don't come from the same backgrounds. We all don't think the same. Our maturity levels are not all the same. It's not one umbrella statement, one umbrella answer for every person, every couple, every situation. So listen to the pros, listen to the cons, and you see what works best for you. And this is specifically for my couples, for my individuals who are currently dating and thinking about desiring, looking forward to marriage. This is specifically for you. If you know somebody, you may want to share this episode with them. If you have kids, children who are currently dating, this would be a great topic, great episode for them. So let's talk about some pros of getting married young. And I thought these were some really great ones. I've experienced these on both sides, the pros and the cons. First, grow together. You can grow and mature as a couple, supporting each other through life's ups and downs, and developing as individuals at a similar pace. So versus when you come into a relationship later in life, where you guys have already or may have already been on the trajectory of your careers, where you want to be in life, or where you've kind of grown in life. When you get married young, you guys get to go on that journey together versus already being where you may desire to be, where you want to be. When you meet someone later in life, when you get married young, you start dating young, you get to experience that beautiful journey of growing together. You're alone for the ride, you get to see where it all began, and you get to witness one another becoming the person that you both want to be, and that's in all areas in your careers as parents, if you guys want to have children in your spiritual walk. This is in all areas of your life. You guys get to grow together. And don't get me wrong, these things can still happen in later in life because we never stop growing. I hope you don't ever get complacent where you stop growing, but when you get married younger in life, a lot of times it's like a blank slate. You haven't really done a lot, so you guys really get to grow together. Next, shared milestones. You get to experience and celebrate many of life's major events together, from career beginnings to starting a family. So this kind of piggybacks are growing together, those shared milestones, all those major moments, because a lot of those major moments they happen earlier in life, and you guys get to experience that together. Um, what usually happens, and this is not in all circumstances, when you meet someone later in life, when you get married later in life, some of these things, a lot of these things have already happened. And again, this is not a blanket statement. This is not everyone's experience. I know people, I have friends who have gotten married later in life, and all of them, all of these things are happening for the first time. So this is not a blanket statement in everybody's experience, but sometimes when people um get married later in life, some of these major life events have already happened. So you may have missed some of these major life events with your partner or your spouse. So that's one of the pros to getting married younger. You get to share in these milestones. For a lot of couples, they get married young, they graduate college together. Because usually they start dating in college or they meet in college, so they graduate college together, or like my husband and graduating high school together because we went to high school together. So you get these major life events together, you have your first child together. Some couples, again, this is not everyone's experience, but sometimes when couples meet later in life, one of both partners may already have a child outside of their relationship. So you guys may have a blended family, but most couples, when they come, when they get married younger, they have their first child together. So you have these major life events together. You share these milestones together. Number three, less baggage. All of these are kind of tying in together. Less baggage. You can build a life together with a cleaner slate with fewer past experiences or baggage to combine with your partner. I'll say this. I even with the with the getting married young, you still can have baggage. I love that it said less baggage. Because I don't care. You still can bring baggage into the relationship. My husband and I, we brought baggage with us. Believe me, we both were rolling suitcases in with us, and we've been together since high school. So you can still roll in the baggage with you. So I just want to set the record straight there. But when you do get married younger, there is less baggage because you've lived less life. You probably have less partners behind you, you have less experiences, there's not so much or as much baggage because you're you're younger. The the the there are fewer experiences because you and your partner have been able to meet one another and get into a relationship before there have been many more experiences between the both of you. So there is less baggage. Number four, molding each other. You are not as set in your ways and can more easily help shape each other into the people you want to be. This is one that you hear a lot, especially and not even just in romantic relationships, but with just pe dealing with people in life in general. And if you're because I know I can't hear you guys, and you guys are listening to me, but like the preacher say in the pulpit, if you agree, say amen. Okay? So talk back to me. I know I can't hear you, but the statement that I'm about to make, if you agree, if you've heard it, just on the other end, say amen, okay? If you've ever heard the statement, they just set in their ways. Say amen. Okay. All right. So when you get married younger, when you're in a relationship at a younger age, people have had less time to get stuck and set in their ways. And when people get set in their ways, y'all, it is hard. It is hard to get out of your way. It's hard, it is hard. So I understand what they mean when they're saying molding each other, because you can get used to doing things your way, thinking your way, getting stuck in seeing things how you see them, how you want them, the way you're used to doing them. But marriage is about compromise, being considerate of one another, not being selfish, being motivated to about pleasing your partner, not just being about yourself. You know, that's what marriage is about. And when you get married younger, um, it don't happen overnight, but you get to learn that and grow in that when you're not so stuck in your ways. Imagine getting married at 50 for the first time, and you have been the person that you are for a long, long, long time. And now I have to get married and adjust, and you're telling me that I don't, I can't just do things the way that I've been doing them for 50 years. I can't just move the way I've been moving for 50 years. I have to be considerate of somebody else. I have to be mindful of someone else's feelings. I have to consider them in my actions. I have to check in before making decisions. I have all of these things because that's what molding is. I have to adjust. I can't just continue to do things the same way I've always done them. I can't continue to move the same way I've always been moving. That's a hard thing to do. So getting married younger, you're it's more, it's easier to help shape each other into who the other person wants you to be is going to be beneficial for your relationship and for your marriage. Lastly, last pro financial realism. Some studies suggest that marrying early can lead to more realistic financial attitudes and potentially higher earnings over time, especially if the couple plans their future together from the start. So this is based on studies that marrying early can lead to more realistic financial attitudes and potentially higher earnings over time. So when you get married earlier, you're able to, if you're open to doing this, you're able to plan out your future together from the start, and it sets you up to have higher earnings over time and have a more realistic financial attitude. I don't know about you, but that sounds good to me. And it is more realistic when you are getting married young. And then I love that it said, especially if the couple plans their future together, because it's not going to be the same if you guys are only this your money, this my money, and you guys are not working together as a couple. This would be beneficial if you guys are on the same page working together as a couple, as a team. Because if you guys do this in the beginning, if you're getting married early, it's gonna set you up for success in the future. It's not gonna be one person worried about themselves and the other person only worried about themselves, but us working together to get us where we want to be as a couple and setting us up for our future. So now we're gonna discuss the cons of getting married early. And I know there's gonna be some people that are listening, waiting to hear the cons. Because you probably already had in your mind, I'm never getting married young. I don't want to get married young, I don't want my children to get married young. I couldn't wait to send them this episode to talk them out of getting married young. I know there's somebody that's probably feeling that way. And I mean, I'm not I'm not mad at you. There are some cons to getting married young. I hope you heard the pros. I hope you just were not waiting to get to the cons, but you also heard the pros. Like you didn't weren't just listening, like you didn't just hear the words coming out of my mouth, but you were legit listening to the pros because there are some pros to getting married young. But again, this is not a blanket statement for everyone. Getting married young is not for everyone. That does not fit, it's not suitable for everyone. I don't believe everyone is ready for marriage, marriage at a young age. I don't. I do I do not, but I also don't believe that getting married young is not beneficial for everyone either. I just don't think it's a blatant statement. I do think there are some pros as the studies show, and also there are some cons as the studies show. So let's get into the cons. Lack of maturity and experience. You may lack the emotional maturity and life experience to handle the challenges of marriage, leading to more mistakes. They led off with a great one. I think this is a huge one that is you really lack the maturity, um, and definitely with the experience. I mean, I think that's just a given and a self-explanatory one because without the age depending on the age anyway, how can you have the experience? You're not gonna have a lot of relationships. So you really wouldn't have a lot of experience. Um, but the maturity is a big one. Um, the lack of maturity. When it talks about the lack of emotional maturity to handle the challenges of marriage, which will in in return lead to more mistakes. This is a con. I do, but again, this goes back to it's not a blanket umbrella statement because this would depend on person to person, couple to couple. Because there are some people who are very mature for their age, very mature for their age. They have a great head on their shoulders, they have great community around them, they have family who supports them. You know, it just it just depends on person to person, couple to couple, but a lack of maturity um is a con because things are going to come up in your marriage, in your relationship that you're going to have to face. And you're gonna need that emotional maturity to survive it, to face it. You're gonna have to have hard conversations, you're gonna have to talk about things that are uncomfortable, you're gonna have to deal with some things, face some things. There are gonna be things that are going to happen where you're gonna have to be mature. Next, higher divorce risk. Studies show that marrying young is associated with a higher risk of divorce, and this is based on studies. This is not just something that's made up, this is not something to make you feel bad about it. This is what studies show. It's associated with a higher risk of divorce, and in my case, the risk was even higher because I come from a family of divorce, so that made my risk even higher because my parents were divorced. My parents got married young and they also were divorced, so the studies show an even higher rate of divorce, a higher risk of divorce, and this is just based on studies, but again, this podcast is a podcast from a Christian perspective. So, you know what goes above studies? God does. So if you put your trust in God, not only put your trust in God, but do things God's way, because you can't say you're putting your trust in God, but then live any kind of way, do your own thing, lean to your own understanding. But if you put your trust in God and do it God's way, expect God's results. And I'm not saying everything's gonna be perfect, I'm not saying it's gonna be without troubles and without hard times and without storms. I'm not saying that because the word says in this life you will have trouble. What I'm saying is the study says marrying young is associated with a higher risk of divorce. And I'm telling you, I came from a um parent who got married young and who also divorced. So the studies show my risk of divorce is even higher. But my husband and I just celebrated 15 years of marriage, and we got married at 21, and we got married when I was 21. So all I'm saying is I know what the studies say, but I also know that I trust God and I'm doing it God's way. So, number three, financial strain. Young couples may face financial difficulties due to unstable careers, student loan debt, or the cost of starting a new life together. This is such a good one, and so realistic, and I know so many people can relate. And for my couples who got married young, and you are listening, and you have been married and have overcome this or gotten past this or on the other side of this. I know you understand. This is real. This is real, and the financial strain, it puts a strain on a relationship, and some couples cannot get past this. Money issues, financial issues is one of, and I say one of because it's not the only, one of the leading causes of divorce. So a lot of couples cannot get past this. So you remember the lack of maturity being one of the cons of divorce. So imagine being young, having a lack of maturity, and then compounding financial strain because there are couples who are much older, and then they can't even make it through financial strain in marriage, they end up being divorced because of financial issues. But I'm talking about a couple that's young who lack maturity, and they're facing the compounding issues of financial strain. They're trying to figure out themselves, they have little kids. They don't know their career issues because it talks about unstable careers. So they're trying to figure out their careers in life. Maybe one partner is still in school, maybe one partner is working, so they're living off the income of that one partner while the other partner is in school or working part-time, and the the money is not matching the debt and the bills that's coming in the house. Imagine that financial strain and how it's impacting that marriage and that relationship. And now the arguments are coming, and now the arguments are affecting the intimacy, and now the intimacy is impacting maybe the sex life, and now the sex life is not what it once was, so all of this is compounding, and I'm saying all of this because this is realistic what happens, and now one thing is compounding another thing, and one another thing is compounding another thing, and a lot of couples don't make it out of this, and this goes back to that second con study show that marrying young is associated with a higher risk of divorce. Why do you think people that get married young end up in divorce because of the lack of maturity? So when things happen, they can't withstand. Because I it wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to be this hard. Why I didn't marry the right person, I'm not in love anymore. My marriage is sexless. It wasn't it wasn't supposed to be like this. We argue all the time, they're not bringing in enough money. All of these different reasons, uh, all of these cons make sense. So yeah. Number four, personal development challenges. You and your partner may grow apart as you develop emotionally and intellectually at different speeds and priorities can change drastically. Oh man, oh man, this one right here is good. So remember when there was a lack of maturity and experience? And now let's fast forward to this. So you guys got married young and now you both growing, but you're growing at different rates and different speeds. So now one of you, you may be, you may was in school. Now you graduated, and now you've been on the fast track at your job, and now you supervise, and now you know you missed the big shot or misses big shot, you know, because it could it could be either or go both ways, and now you're doing big things on your job, and maybe the other the other spouse is not where they want to be on their job. Because this talks about growing at different speeds, and maybe they're not where they want to be, or not even just in your careers, but it talks about emotionally and intellectually. Maybe one partner has been going to therapy, growing, figuring out their trauma, their baggage from the past. Remember those suitcases I told you that y'all rolled into the relationship? Maybe one of those partners has been unpacking that suitcase, unloading it. Now, what was once two suitcases turned into one suitcase. Now, that one suitcase is no suitcase. They done unpacked and worked through all that stuff. They healed their relationships with the with their parents, they fixed some things with some friends, all that stuff they once carried around with them, that unforgiveness, that hurt, that resentment. They done worked through that. Through their relationship with Christ, they've been they've been working through all that stuff, but the other spouse, they still holding on to a lot of stuff. They can't let it go, they can't seem to get past it. They keep they they still holding on. But they're watching their other partner and they like, why why you you keep growing? You are you leaving me? What's going on? Are you gonna leave me? You are you forgetting about me? And they're like, I'm I'm not forgetting about you, but I can't stay here. I can't stay here where we once were. You married all those years ago. Um, I gotta grow. I gotta heal. I can't stay there anymore, but I want you to come with me. And if that other partner is not willing to grow, not willing to do the work, not willing to heal, that begins to affect the relationship. Because what once was a priority, what once was important to both people is no longer because one partner is healing, one partner is growing, one partner is doing the work emotionally, intellectually, and one partner is just stuck, and they can't seem to get unstuck, but they don't want their partner to leave them, but they're also not willing to do the work, and that affects a marriage, that affects a relationship, so that's a con. That's a con. Because a lot of times, and again, this is not everybody, it's not a blanket statement, but if you get married older, I'm not saying everybody has done the work because even older people sometimes don't do the work. A lot of y'all don't do the work, but you get to know what you're choosing. When you're older, you get to know whether or not you're choosing somebody who's going to do the work or not, where they are right now. When you're young, you're both in the same boat. And then somebody decides to start doing the work. Last con incomplete education. Early marriage can sometimes mean unfinished education, which can limit future earning potential and career options. So when you get married young, you may not finish school, you may have to drop out, you don't have to, but certain circumstances can put you in situations where you do. You may have children, you may have a lot on your plate, and you may not be able to finish education, or you may not finish the way you wanted to. You may have the plans to get your master's, your doctorate. You may have other plans for your life, you may not complete them the way you you once saw yourself completed. And getting married young may have put a halt to that or put a pause. So that sometimes can limit your future earning potential in your career options. So that can be a con as well. So we have discussed the pros, we have discussed the cons, and now you get to decide and choose. Should you get married young? And I do want to say this. Again, I don't want to be biased about this topic again, because I got married young at the age of 21. I don't think this is a blanket statement. Umbrella, again, is different for everyone. I don't think one option fits everybody, because everybody and every couple is not the same. But what I do want to say is, because I want to speak to my couples who are currently married. The episode was for everyone, no matter no matter your relationship status. Because especially my couples who are dating, in a serious relationship, or engaged, it's specifically for you guys because you haven't officially gotten married yet. So specifically for you guys, but I want to speak to my couples who are the couples who got married young. I want to encourage you. I specifically want to encourage my couples who have gotten married young. I'm talking about my ones who may be currently in the trenches right now, like where you are feeling discouraged, not sure if you made the right decision. Is this the right person? Did I do the right thing? I know what that's like. I've been over there on the other side. This podcast was birthed out of all those thoughts. It was birthed out of out of a place of being young and married and Christian and not knowing what I was doing and not having a community of people who I could relate to and understand what I was going through. Young married couples, keep going. If you feel alone, if you feel like there aren't other couples, if you feel like they're not people who understand, keep going, trust God, do it God's way, get in a community, a community of believers in a local church body, listen to things like this, things that's gonna point you back to God, but also show you practically what this looks like in marriage and relationships for you and where you are right now, and don't give up because right now it may feel hard, it may look hard, it may seem hard, but I promise you you will get to the other side. There will be better days, and all of this, you'll look back at it and you say, God, I thank you. I thank you for everything I went through with my spouse, with my husband, with my wife, that made us who we are, that strengthened our relationship with you, that strengthened our relationship with one another. And one day you guys are gonna get there, but that's only if you don't give up in the hard times. I hope you guys have enjoyed today's episode. Remember to share this if with someone you think it would encourage, it will bless. And remember, guys, I'll now do the episode twice a month, so I'll see you guys back in two weeks. Remember, I love you, but God loves you so much more. Bye. I hope you guys have enjoyed. Follow me on Facebook at demo withmo. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demowitmo at gmail.com. That's D E M O W I T H M O at Gmail.com